My dad must be mad he can hurt me because it means he's not stupid, aha ha ha!

People make mass judgments about people.

What was that!  "Oh, she's German, she's better!"

People who follow mean people I know are mean themselves and I don't approve.

What is wrong with some Europeans looking at Asians like that's me with a problem when I am the opposite!  They're so shallow to me and full of themselves.

I feel like I'm being fought after all I've ministered.

So, you turn someone on by looking better than them?  You get popular for quantity and not quality?

How does my life make sense!  I am not allowed to think I am anything!

Were some people forced to be like their dads?  My mom said I don't look like her but even as an infant looked like my dad other than racially said.  I kinda looked like him on purpose some time after popping out of the womb.

Why are people saying I'm bad to be popular in the world and not someone else?

Ya'll have fun sexually fantasizing about your own moms.

Germany along with it.

Some people encourage me to "come out of my shell," people at school did.

My nuclear and extended family silently rebelled when I did.

I'm worried about at least 3 moms of grown children dying at any moment.

So, only some people can get what they want?

Okay

I know 3 people born around 1990/1991 who want to spend all their time attached to their mom, at least in a way.

but he's too fat to turn me on...

I'm quite drawn to my dad.

So, you just ignore your dad?

Does mom = the stuff for you? like you're forever her baby? Not me! I'm outta here!

Is anyone very attracted to their own mom, like a favorite teacher?  I've seen teachers and students have sex relations or sexual relations these days.

People in Germany think they have it all.  They are partial to their own young people, even if you are nicer.  I'm from the US, and the largest percentage of the population is German.

My Baroque violin is in Chicago and shipped from China, will get here before the New Year after all.

"It's not fair."

What if Europeans are precious and not Asians?

Did you know Eurasians are known for living in Europe and not the US?  It's not totally true, and I don't know exactly.

Where are mixed people supposed to live?

Remember, I'm an adult.  I don't "have" parents.  Like an animal that's not dependent.

I'm not that connected to my mom.

Update

I changed the song I posted in a post on Blog #3 to start at a certain point instead of the beginning.

I don't know when I should go over there.  I feel like being alone.  Something's off.  I do need breakfast there.

I assume people used to originally learn violin as an adult.

I am at my grandma's house.  My aunt and uncle are away, for a few days.  My dad's here, too.

I get a whole house to myself.  I woke up, exercised, showered, practiced violin, and will get breakfast with my grandma and dad, as there is, like, not much here to eat.

Last night, we watched game shows and I got some of it.  My grandma asked me to play violin already, and I was like, no, not now, though I did practice.  It's getting better now that I can hold the bow straight...  I'm pretty good with the notes.  I need better technique at some things for this level, Suzuki 2 and 3.  Suzuki has 5 books but really 10.  Like, my pinky is not long and strong.  It's not weak.  It's not coordinated.  My staccato's in one song sound tacky, but it took a long time to get this far.  I'm undoing some things my teacher/s taught, as now I teach myself.

I don't really know when they'll be awake.  I was over til almost midnight and my dad texted me around 2 AM.  I woke up around 7:30 AM.  I feel a little not so awake but not tired so much.  I'm apprehensive of the stress because I was looking forward to this.  We're all going grocery shopping.  My grandma is as old as Mickey Mouse, turned 90 around the same time.  I guess she was born in the ... "Great Depression."  It seems Pennsylvania wasn't that involved in the US, though.